scared to go home.
don't want to go home.
hate to stay at home.
home is filled with many problems now.
Emotions gets burst out and every night ends with tears.
yesterday got caned after so many years.like as if it was when i was primary 3.
got home forgetting what happened the previous night. and everything started with me just asking 'so how?'.talked to mummy and then papa talked.and i just gave him some sweeping statements and he got so agitated and angry.scolded me just because of that. so of cos i felt so 'why-am-i-getting-all-these-from-you'.i didnt even 'argued' with him.all i wanted to do was to just get my sister's thoughts to him right.and he like vent all his anger on me.so i shouted and stomped upstairs, locked all the doors and cried.then he demanded me to open the door.and after that, he came in shouting and started to cane me with a belt.what did i do wrong?in the first place, the topic wasnt even my business.all i was doing is worrying about my sister right?what wrong with that?did i deserve all that?!and the worse is, after my papa scoldings, instead of consoling me, mummy said i deserved it and too bad.how badly i wanted to see my sisters that night.how i wish someone was there to protect me, defend me and console me.but there wasnt..
how badly i wanted to go to school to meet my friends..how i wish to end a levels and go into a uni and stay in the hostel.
it's always been like this.i was always the one who gets the scoldings.a trival stuff also leads to a scolding.get average results also get scolded.use computer too long get scolded.every little thing also gets a scolding out from it.are they really itching to scold someone so much?and the worse thing is i'm the only chance they have.the only thing they know is scolding and how much they suffer driving us to school, cooking dinner and ironing clothes.but do they realise that we dont communicate?that they never even talked to us about school life, never offered a tissue to us when we cry, never apologised when they really made a mistake?they just expect us to forgive and forget.and just pretend it never even happened at all.how selfish can that be.a parent is not a machine that only provide superficial stuff.why cant they understand that.Now, i just hope that my sis's problem can be solved as soon as possible and i can just worry about my studies.
God, please help my sister get through this.
school seems like heaven now....
now i realised that friends are sooooooo important.
i wonder how am i going to cheer up without them.
thanks guys(:
happyfriendshipweek
and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
:)
